fool

You know that annoying feeling when someone talks about something cool they’ve done, and never show pictures of it, so you have to physically stalk them to see the big change?

Haha, I know a lot of my friends know that feeling based on all the comments I got last week when I finally met them at the party/bar. Well, to be honest, there’s three very good reasons for me not showing a good picture of neither the pink or the lavender hair.

1) I am way to lazy to make myself up, find my remote control, bring out my tripod and camera to take some self portraits.

2) I have a 30mm which is way to close to get a decent shot just by holding the camera with my hand, and a 8mm which is way to big to get a decent shot because, well, I want to look good at the shot as well! I’m not even going to mention the 100mm… (well, not mention it MORE, since I just mentioned it…)

3) I’m a retro girl preparing myself for a new way of living when moving to Oslo (hipster), so I don’t have a phone with a camera in the front. And for you who follows me on snap or Insta; don’t get fooled by my relaxed facial expression. A part of my self respect dies for every bathroom selfie taken in the mirror. Guess 2007 and I never really got over each other…

excuses, excuses, excuses… 

pøøs

Posted in Kreisiketleidi | Leave a comment

#drunk

Hey nerds!

For some reason my brain didn’t want to sober up yesterday, so basically I drank from 6 p.m on Saturday to 01 a.m Monday. Really really tired, but GOD I love having adventures like this once in a while. Why sit home alone on Sundays doing nothing, when you can just… go on adventures and get to know new people instead?!

But seriously, no more day drinking until 17th of May. Exhausting. Luckily I’m a girl, so it didn’t cost me that much… ;)

Posted in Livet generelt | Leave a comment

Like a flower

Yesterday I got myself a new hair color. LAVENDEER!!!

Ever since I dyed my hair pink (lol feels like I’ve done it for several months, although it’s barely been three weeks…) I’ve been looking for new colors to try. And when I came over pictures of lavender hair, I wasn’t hard to beg ;)

Yesterday I got my Directions-colors in the mail, in the colors Pastel Pink and Lavender. So I tried very carefully with the Lavender last evening, and already got my first compliment from the bus driver early this morning!

“God day!” *beeping my bus card*
“Wow, your hair looks really cool! Very nice color, you should have that!*”
“Well, thank you! :D”

Since I really liked the color (and have a couple of places where neither the pink or the lavender refuses to set properly) I did another application recently. Went a little harder on the color to make it more bright, with my lenghts slightly darker than my roots. And applied only color (to make it pastel I have to mix it with conditioner) on the areas that doesn’t take it in well enough.

Looks really cool now as the hair is wet, so can’t wait to see when it’s dry! (Planning to curl it for tonight’s party, so can’t mistreat it even more by blowdrying…)

GOD I LOVE HAVING BLONDE HAIR!! Had three colors since I bleached it already, and have the ability to shampoo it as hell if I regret.

Now, to the real dilemma; How the hell do you match your clothes with lavender hair…? Would’ve been easy in the summer with my new white gorgeous dress, but now the weather is BOOOO!!!!

(On a PC without options to import pictures, you’ll have to wait for pics or it didn’t happen…)
*You should have that – Det skal du ha. Har da nada peiling på hvordan det blir på engelsk, haha..

LUCKILY I DOESN’T SMELL LIKE LAVENDER, BECAUSE HONESTLY, LAVENDER SMELLS LIKE… I GET SICK BY IT, THAT’S THE IMPORTANT PART!

Posted in Beautygeek | 3 Comments

learning

Today someone told me something in a way I haven’t thought of it before. Even after three years. I have to learn how to live with it.

WOW… To be honest, it came unexpectedly as a bomb. Yes, I did not realize it was going to be a bomb. At all. But I didn’t really expect anything else either. I didn’t expect anything. Just a pat on my shoulder, a “good luck” and maybe a gigantic orchestra in the background celebrating me.

We discussed my future today. My plans of moving to Oslo, the studies, my cognitive therapy and so on. How these past months has been since new years eve. You know, every day life shit.

“What was your diagnose again?”
“Recurrent Depression”
“Oh, well – that means we can’t really rule out the fact that you’re completely safe when moving… You simply have to learn how to live with it!”
“… what, I’m not fucking bipolar!!”

But I realize it’s just one of those things you have to learn how to live with. To enjoy those wonderful months and years you’re healthy, and try to be as prepared as possible when that ticking bomb inside goes off one more time.

You know… just KNOWING that I will be depressed again makes me briefly depressed… I don’t want this. *heartbreak*

The fact that my mailbox almost died of obesity today helped a bit though… materialism</3 Hello pink and lavender hair!!

Posted in Beautygeek, Hodebry | 1 Comment

dangaras

It’s with a fearful joy I cancel all kinds of stuff if Die Hard 4.0 is shown on the TV. Partially because of the gas explosion (the only explosion I’ve ever enjoyed in movies, it seriously ROCKS!!!!), the fighting scenes which also is the ONLY fighting/shooting-scenes in a movie I actually enjoy – but mainly because the movie contains BOTH Timothy Olyphant AND Justin Long. A lethal combination for a girl like me, seriously.


And the fact that they both play geeks?

Nope. I’m an emotional wreck for days after, depressed and skeptic to what life is really about, if it isn’t to be kidnapped by someone like Thomas Gabriel or saved by someone like Matthew Farrell. Haha, seriosly. STOP IT!

If I could handle it, I would watch Die Hard 4 a lot more often, but I can’t – so every other year will sadly do…

//Looks like I have to start watching Justified. Timothy as a US Marshal? Good thing Easter lasts for so long and the weather makes people stay inside… ;-))))

 

Posted in Hodebry | Leave a comment

beer

 

Since I completely misunderstood the whole exam-thing, which means that we did NOT have the exam this weekend, the task was published on Tuesday and deadline was 10:00 on Friday – I decided to join a couple of friends for a beer at a bar. Just a beer. To talk, laugh and see people for a change.

One beer led to five. I don’t drink regularly anymore, and this naturally puts my liver/blood/brain back into 16-year old freshman. I did not get as hangover as I expected to be though!

erydeu

But what I did get, was hundreds of thousands of compliments and questions about my famous lips and boobs. Funny thing; earlier that evening, my best friend and I discussed what “strangers” describes us as. I didn’t give it a lot of thought as I already had a sickening feeling about what it is about my looks that is easy to spot and remember. But after last night, I kind of remembered that my lips and boobs definitely is something people get hung up about. Not a new thing, but I haven’t been around people for some time now so I had forgotten about it actually.

“Are those real?” – yes. “Are those real then?” – yes… “Can I touch/feel?” – *sober* NO! *drunk as fuck* Of coourse<33333 Haha. if I had a penny for every time someone asked me if something is real/fake, I would be a rich fucking bitch by now. True story bro!

Posted in Livet generelt | 2 Comments

manipulating

Manipulating your images when doing documentary is the biggest sin you can ever do. But it’s allowed to play with them and do a different VERY manipulated version, not to be used for any serious edits.

As if the picture wasn’t really dramatic enough by itself, I just felt the need to dramatize it furthermore to get a sort of apocalyptic feeling to it. As if there was a pest or something that swiped out all living organisms. (therefore the three dead horses, haha…)

IMG_4700 IMG_4700 kopierIt’s actually very fun to manipulate pictures. I used to create a lot of scenes before, but I lost that kind of creativity with the years passing by… :(

 

Posted in Knipz | 1 Comment

exams

There’s a scent of tea spreading in the well aired room. Cinnamon tea to be exactly. Warmed up to approximately 93 degrees, that’s how you get the most output of the tea’s benefits. If the water is boiling hot, you could just drink boiled water. Same use.

My Sweet Dreams-playlist is playing on a moderate sound level, and I’m trying to get in to writing mode by writing this post. It’s time to start on my 2000 word essay. Deadline; tomorrow. Not sure about the time though, maybe I should have that in mind…

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My best friend just “omg…”-ed me today. And I get her. I don’t have a single nerve for this extremely procrastinated essay, and for what it’s worth mentioning; I don’t have a single nerve for tomorrows exam either. The exam I haven’t bought a single book on the reading list for. A classmate mentioned Barthes Punctum and how complicated it was. Barthes what?

To be honest, I don’t really care about the grades I get on this. I’m not a theoretical person at all. I chose photography because it’s practical work. I chose to do this course to get a kick in the butt after all my years on pause. To be encouraged by teachers and classmates. To get out there and do my work. Contact interesting people I want to document. Not letting any days look the same. Yesterday I witnessed five(!) animals die. A sheep from kortison-shock, a sheep so badly treated that she had to go, and three horses from the same farm. And I witnessed the beginning of life, when a calf who we named “Kåre”, said hello for the first time.

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My moral with this isn’t actually something special. But I definitely do not recommend this psychology for anybody – I kind of feel bad doing this considering my younger brother who just started junior high, and last fall told me that I was his greatest inspiration when doing it well on school. He wanted to get as good grades as me when I went to junior high, so that really melted my heart of ice cold stone.

Posted in Hodebry, Knipz | 3 Comments

No-ah

I’ve had this nagging feeling that I owe you the effort to say that it was NOT a depression talking in the last post. I am not sick. I am not depressed. I am what I like to define myself as; a realist.

Yesterday we went to see Noah. The only reason I joined wasn’t because the movie itself caught my attention, but because I wanted to drool another 2 1/2 hours on Logan Lerman. Yep, after the first time I saw “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”, I’ve developed a pretty shitty crush on him. Shitty mainly because I don’t really have enough room, love or affection to keep up with all my Hollywood-crushes. Andrew Garfield does comeback in the cinemas already on Friday with Spiderman 2! And Ryan Reynolds is currently Lórèal’s new Men Expert-face and looks me seductively in the eyes several times a day straight out of my TV.

yow

I’m kind of glad I’m not a big celebrity in America. Easy access to these guys would’ve made me the new Taylor Swift faster than you can say “22″…

The good thing about Norway is that you can’t really be blinded by a guy’s handsomeness. Which means that you simply just HAVE to get to know the guy before he suddenly becomes the prince in a silver armor. (Your friends still think he looks like a green warty frog, though…)

Posted in Livet generelt | 1 Comment

Right now I’m in a place where I just want to trash the whole damn house. I want to break all the glasses and plates in to billions of sharp pieces. I want to throw all the electronic devices so hard to the ground that there’s only dust left. I want to throw expensive art through every single window, and I want to set the whole world on fire and watch it burn.

Sadly, the only thing I can do is to throw my dead old phone in the ground, and watch it getting crushed in to tiny pieces. And maybe act out on all the hay we have in the stable. Something you get really tired of doing, but without breaking anything.

But what I want to do the most, is to track someone down. I want to travel where this person is, knock on his door, ask for him – and when he confirms his identity, I’ll beat him up so badly that when the cops finally arrives to take me away, he barely lives.

The next thing I want to do the most, is to go somewhere open and scream out so loud that I destroy my throat and won’t be able to talk ever again. I feel that everything I have to scream out right now, is everything I’ve ever lived for – and ever will.

I fucking hate living. I haven’t really written or said this out loud before with respect for my beloved ones. But I just can’t keep it in anymore. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought so far this year, and I still haven’t changed my fucking mind. I hate living. I hate being alive. And I think it’s fucking unfair to keep people like me alive for what it’s worth. At any price. What if life just doesn’t work out for some people? WHY do I have to suffer through this unbearable thing? This is seriously a living hell. I’ve been a good girl for a couple of years now. Smiling, doing stuff to please others expectations, kept a strong mask – but deep down inside I just don’t want this anymore.

I don’t see people anymore. I’ve withdrawn completely. I don’t want to tell you why I’ve done this, maybe because I’m afraid to tell myself the answer. 

I just… I don’t want to play this game anymore. I feel like a 99 year old person. I’ve lived for too long, and just want it to end as soon as possible. I’m 21 years old, and just as tired psychically as a 99 year old. It’s not supposed to be this way, is it?

Posted in Hodebry | 2 Comments