Like a flower

Yesterday I got myself a new hair color. LAVENDEER!!!

Ever since I dyed my hair pink (lol feels like I’ve done it for several months, although it’s barely been three weeks…) I’ve been looking for new colors to try. And when I came over pictures of lavender hair, I wasn’t hard to beg ;)

Yesterday I got my Directions-colors in the mail, in the colors Pastel Pink and Lavender. So I tried very carefully with the Lavender last evening, and already got my first compliment from the bus driver early this morning!

“God day!” *beeping my bus card*
“Wow, your hair looks really cool! Very nice color, you should have that!*”
“Well, thank you! :D”

Since I really liked the color (and have a couple of places where neither the pink or the lavender refuses to set properly) I did another application recently. Went a little harder on the color to make it more bright, with my lenghts slightly darker than my roots. And applied only color (to make it pastel I have to mix it with conditioner) on the areas that doesn’t take it in well enough.

Looks really cool now as the hair is wet, so can’t wait to see when it’s dry! (Planning to curl it for tonight’s party, so can’t mistreat it even more by blowdrying…)

GOD I LOVE HAVING BLONDE HAIR!! Had three colors since I bleached it already, and have the ability to shampoo it as hell if I regret.

Now, to the real dilemma; How the hell do you match your clothes with lavender hair…? Would’ve been easy in the summer with my new white gorgeous dress, but now the weather is BOOOO!!!!

(On a PC without options to import pictures, you’ll have to wait for pics or it didn’t happen…)
*You should have that – Det skal du ha. Har da nada peiling på hvordan det blir på engelsk, haha..


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Today someone told me something in a way I haven’t thought of it before. Even after three years. I have to learn how to live with it.

WOW… To be honest, it came unexpectedly as a bomb. Yes, I did not realize it was going to be a bomb. At all. But I didn’t really expect anything else either. I didn’t expect anything. Just a pat on my shoulder, a “good luck” and maybe a gigantic orchestra in the background celebrating me.

We discussed my future today. My plans of moving to Oslo, the studies, my cognitive therapy and so on. How these past months has been since new years eve. You know, every day life shit.

“What was your diagnose again?”
“Recurrent Depression”
“Oh, well – that means we can’t really rule out the fact that you’re completely safe when moving… You simply have to learn how to live with it!”
“… what, I’m not fucking bipolar!!”

But I realize it’s just one of those things you have to learn how to live with. To enjoy those wonderful months and years you’re healthy, and try to be as prepared as possible when that ticking bomb inside goes off one more time.

You know… just KNOWING that I will be depressed again makes me briefly depressed… I don’t want this. *heartbreak*

The fact that my mailbox almost died of obesity today helped a bit though… materialism</3 Hello pink and lavender hair!!

Posted in Beautygeek, Hodebry | 1 Comment


It’s with a fearful joy I cancel all kinds of stuff if Die Hard 4.0 is shown on the TV. Partially because of the gas explosion (the only explosion I’ve ever enjoyed in movies, it seriously ROCKS!!!!), the fighting scenes which also is the ONLY fighting/shooting-scenes in a movie I actually enjoy – but mainly because the movie contains BOTH Timothy Olyphant AND Justin Long. A lethal combination for a girl like me, seriously.

And the fact that they both play geeks?

Nope. I’m an emotional wreck for days after, depressed and skeptic to what life is really about, if it isn’t to be kidnapped by someone like Thomas Gabriel or saved by someone like Matthew Farrell. Haha, seriosly. STOP IT!

If I could handle it, I would watch Die Hard 4 a lot more often, but I can’t – so every other year will sadly do…

//Looks like I have to start watching Justified. Timothy as a US Marshal? Good thing Easter lasts for so long and the weather makes people stay inside… ;-))))


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Since I completely misunderstood the whole exam-thing, which means that we did NOT have the exam this weekend, the task was published on Tuesday and deadline was 10:00 on Friday – I decided to join a couple of friends for a beer at a bar. Just a beer. To talk, laugh and see people for a change.

One beer led to five. I don’t drink regularly anymore, and this naturally puts my liver/blood/brain back into 16-year old freshman. I did not get as hangover as I expected to be though!


But what I did get, was hundreds of thousands of compliments and questions about my famous lips and boobs. Funny thing; earlier that evening, my best friend and I discussed what “strangers” describes us as. I didn’t give it a lot of thought as I already had a sickening feeling about what it is about my looks that is easy to spot and remember. But after last night, I kind of remembered that my lips and boobs definitely is something people get hung up about. Not a new thing, but I haven’t been around people for some time now so I had forgotten about it actually.

“Are those real?” – yes. “Are those real then?” – yes… “Can I touch/feel?” – *sober* NO! *drunk as fuck* Of coourse<33333 Haha. if I had a penny for every time someone asked me if something is real/fake, I would be a rich fucking bitch by now. True story bro!

Posted in Livet generelt | 2 Comments


Manipulating your images when doing documentary is the biggest sin you can ever do. But it’s allowed to play with them and do a different VERY manipulated version, not to be used for any serious edits.

As if the picture wasn’t really dramatic enough by itself, I just felt the need to dramatize it furthermore to get a sort of apocalyptic feeling to it. As if there was a pest or something that swiped out all living organisms. (therefore the three dead horses, haha…)

IMG_4700 IMG_4700 kopierIt’s actually very fun to manipulate pictures. I used to create a lot of scenes before, but I lost that kind of creativity with the years passing by… :(


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There’s a scent of tea spreading in the well aired room. Cinnamon tea to be exactly. Warmed up to approximately 93 degrees, that’s how you get the most output of the tea’s benefits. If the water is boiling hot, you could just drink boiled water. Same use.

My Sweet Dreams-playlist is playing on a moderate sound level, and I’m trying to get in to writing mode by writing this post. It’s time to start on my 2000 word essay. Deadline; tomorrow. Not sure about the time though, maybe I should have that in mind…




My best friend just “omg…”-ed me today. And I get her. I don’t have a single nerve for this extremely procrastinated essay, and for what it’s worth mentioning; I don’t have a single nerve for tomorrows exam either. The exam I haven’t bought a single book on the reading list for. A classmate mentioned Barthes Punctum and how complicated it was. Barthes what?

To be honest, I don’t really care about the grades I get on this. I’m not a theoretical person at all. I chose photography because it’s practical work. I chose to do this course to get a kick in the butt after all my years on pause. To be encouraged by teachers and classmates. To get out there and do my work. Contact interesting people I want to document. Not letting any days look the same. Yesterday I witnessed five(!) animals die. A sheep from kortison-shock, a sheep so badly treated that she had to go, and three horses from the same farm. And I witnessed the beginning of life, when a calf who we named “Kåre”, said hello for the first time.



My moral with this isn’t actually something special. But I definitely do not recommend this psychology for anybody – I kind of feel bad doing this considering my younger brother who just started junior high, and last fall told me that I was his greatest inspiration when doing it well on school. He wanted to get as good grades as me when I went to junior high, so that really melted my heart of ice cold stone.

Posted in Hodebry, Knipz | 3 Comments


I’ve had this nagging feeling that I owe you the effort to say that it was NOT a depression talking in the last post. I am not sick. I am not depressed. I am what I like to define myself as; a realist.

Yesterday we went to see Noah. The only reason I joined wasn’t because the movie itself caught my attention, but because I wanted to drool another 2 1/2 hours on Logan Lerman. Yep, after the first time I saw “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”, I’ve developed a pretty shitty crush on him. Shitty mainly because I don’t really have enough room, love or affection to keep up with all my Hollywood-crushes. Andrew Garfield does comeback in the cinemas already on Friday with Spiderman 2! And Ryan Reynolds is currently Lórèal’s new Men Expert-face and looks me seductively in the eyes several times a day straight out of my TV.


I’m kind of glad I’m not a big celebrity in America. Easy access to these guys would’ve made me the new Taylor Swift faster than you can say “22″…

The good thing about Norway is that you can’t really be blinded by a guy’s handsomeness. Which means that you simply just HAVE to get to know the guy before he suddenly becomes the prince in a silver armor. (Your friends still think he looks like a green warty frog, though…)

Posted in Livet generelt | 1 Comment

Right now I’m in a place where I just want to trash the whole damn house. I want to break all the glasses and plates in to billions of sharp pieces. I want to throw all the electronic devices so hard to the ground that there’s only dust left. I want to throw expensive art through every single window, and I want to set the whole world on fire and watch it burn.

Sadly, the only thing I can do is to throw my dead old phone in the ground, and watch it getting crushed in to tiny pieces. And maybe act out on all the hay we have in the stable. Something you get really tired of doing, but without breaking anything.

But what I want to do the most, is to track someone down. I want to travel where this person is, knock on his door, ask for him – and when he confirms his identity, I’ll beat him up so badly that when the cops finally arrives to take me away, he barely lives.

The next thing I want to do the most, is to go somewhere open and scream out so loud that I destroy my throat and won’t be able to talk ever again. I feel that everything I have to scream out right now, is everything I’ve ever lived for – and ever will.

I fucking hate living. I haven’t really written or said this out loud before with respect for my beloved ones. But I just can’t keep it in anymore. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought so far this year, and I still haven’t changed my fucking mind. I hate living. I hate being alive. And I think it’s fucking unfair to keep people like me alive for what it’s worth. At any price. What if life just doesn’t work out for some people? WHY do I have to suffer through this unbearable thing? This is seriously a living hell. I’ve been a good girl for a couple of years now. Smiling, doing stuff to please others expectations, kept a strong mask – but deep down inside I just don’t want this anymore.

I don’t see people anymore. I’ve withdrawn completely. I don’t want to tell you why I’ve done this, maybe because I’m afraid to tell myself the answer. 

I just… I don’t want to play this game anymore. I feel like a 99 year old person. I’ve lived for too long, and just want it to end as soon as possible. I’m 21 years old, and just as tired psychically as a 99 year old. It’s not supposed to be this way, is it?

Posted in Hodebry | 2 Comments

Today I want to…

… jump into a country music video and live there forever.

Right now I’m trying to figure out which video I’d like to live in, and who I’d like to marry when choosing them hot country boys out there, haha… fuck this shit.

instagramA thing called Instalately I think. If you want more, just follow @apefinger!

Posted in Livet generelt, Musikken | 3 Comments

The backside.

I like taking photographs. I like it so much that I didn’t bother buying any of the books on the reading list for the course I’m taking. Whether it will be a problem or not I’ll have to wait and see when we have our first exam next Friday… *fingers crossed, guys*


Anyway. Like I said, I like taking photographs. I like it way more than editing them afterwards. I don’t even like WATCHING them afterwards. It’s hard to get in to the photographer-spirit, but after a couple of warm-up shots I’m good to go. But it could take several days before I look at what I’ve done. And when I finally do that and have to make an edit of what to keep and what to trash, and THEN start retouching them – oh god I get depressed just thinking about it.


So that’s basically the job of a photographer. Taking pictures is just 1/6 of the job and fun, the office-part is the most time consuming and boring part. Editing, retouching, organizing, evaluating, meetings and contact with clients…

When I become big and famous and rich, I’ll hire my own retoucher. I’m sick of this shit…

It took me SIX(!!!) hours to choose and edit 10 fucking pictures to send to my teacher. LNVKPDJVSRKLFJÅEORGÅOIH

Posted in Hodebry, Knipz | 2 Comments